4AM THOUGHTS
I was randomly reading some life stories about love on the internet - you know that university files pages on facebook. I don't know but I found myself checking that out regularly this past few days. Then I got to read this one particular story about a girl who has an ex boyfriend who was very caring to her. When I read about how she detailed their story - like he open car doors for her - I was like "that doesn't exist in normal life..pfff!". Then I came to realization that it does exist. It happened to me. Someone dared to do it for me.
My Daddy and brother did that for me. My boss did that for me. He did that for me! See the point? It always points to me. I was soo selfish enough to realized all of that lately. I was scared enough to get myself off guarded. Selfish enough not to show him that I sincerely and truly appreciate all his efforts.
I wish I wasn't that too mean to him before. I would've let him in when he regularly visited the house. I wish I wasn't that awkward to interupt him while he enjoyed talking to my parents. I wish I never let him waited for me several times - but he did. I feel sorry for hurting his ego because I always declined his offer whenever he keeps on insisting that he wanted to treat me - I don't consider it a date so I always wanted to pay my own bills every time we eat outside. I wish I enjoyed the moment when he always ran after the car door just to open it for me. Instead, I showed him an awkwardly annoyed attitude while he showed me his genuine laugh then patted and messed up my hair. Which caught me off guard.
I always brushed him off but he remained consistent. I somehow entertained him but puts him in my last priority while he puts me on his top. I always shows him my bad sides more than the good but he stayed the way he was to me. I must admit, he somehow collapsed the great wall of china. But it wasn't enough to convince me to cross the line. We both know that he can't lead me and I can't submit to him (spiritually). I wouldn't want to cheapen my worth for an unsure relationship because I know God is still preparing it for me. I'm not a gambler in love but I have an assurance in God's promises. Not going to compromise what I have prayed for. My first "Yes!" is only reserve for my God's best.
But heck, why am I even writting this?? Neither I don't know. Maybe for some reasons, I realized that he deserved my honesty. Honesty that he never received from me. Not that I lied to him. But the fear of showing him my happiness whenever we're together because I was afraid he might misinterpret my actions. I really enjoyed his company, to be very honest. But not in a romantic way just like the way he wanted it to be. I admired his transparency. I can say that he's the most unpretentious guy friend I have. All his ka-jologsan and flaws, he's not scared to show me. I should've treated him nicely like how I treat my normal guy friends.
I know napagod ko siya. But I wish him all the happiness. That he may never fall for someone as cruel as me again.
IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED
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