RANDOM THOUGHTS:
I missed you, Tatay!
It's been a year since my Lolo left us. And I'm having the same scenario at exactly a year ago.
Dawn of May 30th last year, I was enjoying watching a Korean drama about surgeon doctors. I think that was Good Doctor which I still haven't finished yet. It was only me and my Daddy in the house'coz my Mom was in the hospital. I don't know where on earth my little sister was. I stayed up until around 4am that morning and my lolo was declared dead at 3:47 in the morning. I planned to visit him that day after my meeting with my boss in the afternoon so I could check on him narin. 6am I woke up hearing my dad talking on the phone. I was so sleepy that morning and thought I'm only half-awake dreaming. I remember my Dad talking in english not knowing that he was calling my Tita in Australia. I did not bother to eavesdrop and thought it was just a wrong number call so I went back to sleep.
I woke up at 9 in the morning to prepare some stuffs for my meeting. Just when I was about to get inside my room, my dad asked me where am i going and told him I have a meeting. Then he asked "Alam mo na bang patay na si Tatay?". And I was like "HUH???". And the rest of our conversation was history. I went inside my room and reflect for a moment to absorb all the news from that morning. I was prepared for that but I still can't believe it. I kept my composure and my mom called me. I told her I was about to visit them after my meeting. So she asked me to get my Lolo's suit that was delivered from Aklan after my meeting. As I drive I couldn't some up everything. During our meeting I was feeling high. I did not share to my boss what had happen although he's aware of my Lolo's condition. We ended our meeting before lunch then I went straight to the air cargo to pick up the package but the cargo will be arriving at 2 in the afternoon so I went back to the mall and waited there. I played christian songs as I drive from my every destination. Until I get the package, that's when everything is sinking in to me.
I went straight to the hospital and saw my titos and cousin waiting at the lobby. They were all staring blankly at the floor. I went closer to them and then my Tito smiled at me as if assuring me that everything is fine. I asked the details of what happened and they told me that Tatay was about to go home that same day and will be an out patient but he didn't make it. I remember Tita Phine said when we got back from Manila from Aklan "Ayaw narin siguro ni Tatay na pahirapan ako magalaga sa bahay kaya bumigay nalang siya." . Then I looked for my Mom, she went at the funeral parlor with Tita Phine and will be waiting for us there. We've waited for about 2 hours so the hospital could released my Lolo. As we wait my Titos were asking me if I wanted to see Tatay at the morgue. I was hesitant at first but I finally agreed. As we walked claser to the morgue, I couldn't tell how I feel. I saw one corpe lying on a metal bed clothed with a white blanket. And then my Tito opened it then tears fell inside the room. My fingers feels shaky as I type these. Then the funeral parlor took my lolo's corp out of the hospital. He was put inside a large black bag that I only see on televisions. My Tito Danny said to the men carrying my Lolo "Alagaan niyo yung tatay namin ah. Dahan lang kayo magadrive."
I still felt numb that day. I don't know what and how I was feeling. Until we all gathered at St. Peters at Las Pinas as we waited again for my Lolo to be ready for the viewing. Ang daming kwento. My cousin' s and I were still making fun of each other that night. My Mom also shared Tatay's last moment. He was suffering with heavy breathing and cough that night and then they suctioned his pleghm. He normally brush off the apparatus but he obidiently comply to his caregiver my Tita hired for him. And then my Mom made him calm and said "sige na 'Tay magpahinga ka na" with the only intention to tell him to go to sleep. Then my Mom went to rest after that. And the rest was history.
And now.. same scenario. Dawn of 30th of May, I was still busy watching koreanovela with also a surgeon as the main character. With only my Daddy at the house. We just switched rooms. My Mom is in Aklan right now so they could (I'm not sure if it's appropriate to use this word) celebrate my Tatay's first death anniversary.
I had alot of regrets! I wish I bond more with my Lolo before. I wish I shared to him my faith as he was laying on his death bed. I wish I had that courage. God has given me the opportunity but I blew it! So now I pray that He may give me strength to share the gospel to the need, most specially to my family. I pray that some time in my Lolo's life, someone shared the gospel to him and he had a personal relationship with Christ even in his last days. I feel hypocrite asking God my hopes about my Lolo's assurance in heaven 'coz basically I was a coward to share him the gospel. But God is sovereign and I am not. If it's His will, He will send someone brave enough to share the gospel to Tatay. I really hope I could still meet him up there and he'll make kwento again about his younger years.
I hope I woill never encounter this kind of regret ever again and be brave enough to share Jesus to all people.
IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!
I woke up at 9 in the morning to prepare some stuffs for my meeting. Just when I was about to get inside my room, my dad asked me where am i going and told him I have a meeting. Then he asked "Alam mo na bang patay na si Tatay?". And I was like "HUH???". And the rest of our conversation was history. I went inside my room and reflect for a moment to absorb all the news from that morning. I was prepared for that but I still can't believe it. I kept my composure and my mom called me. I told her I was about to visit them after my meeting. So she asked me to get my Lolo's suit that was delivered from Aklan after my meeting. As I drive I couldn't some up everything. During our meeting I was feeling high. I did not share to my boss what had happen although he's aware of my Lolo's condition. We ended our meeting before lunch then I went straight to the air cargo to pick up the package but the cargo will be arriving at 2 in the afternoon so I went back to the mall and waited there. I played christian songs as I drive from my every destination. Until I get the package, that's when everything is sinking in to me.
I went straight to the hospital and saw my titos and cousin waiting at the lobby. They were all staring blankly at the floor. I went closer to them and then my Tito smiled at me as if assuring me that everything is fine. I asked the details of what happened and they told me that Tatay was about to go home that same day and will be an out patient but he didn't make it. I remember Tita Phine said when we got back from Manila from Aklan "Ayaw narin siguro ni Tatay na pahirapan ako magalaga sa bahay kaya bumigay nalang siya." . Then I looked for my Mom, she went at the funeral parlor with Tita Phine and will be waiting for us there. We've waited for about 2 hours so the hospital could released my Lolo. As we wait my Titos were asking me if I wanted to see Tatay at the morgue. I was hesitant at first but I finally agreed. As we walked claser to the morgue, I couldn't tell how I feel. I saw one corpe lying on a metal bed clothed with a white blanket. And then my Tito opened it then tears fell inside the room. My fingers feels shaky as I type these. Then the funeral parlor took my lolo's corp out of the hospital. He was put inside a large black bag that I only see on televisions. My Tito Danny said to the men carrying my Lolo "Alagaan niyo yung tatay namin ah. Dahan lang kayo magadrive."
I still felt numb that day. I don't know what and how I was feeling. Until we all gathered at St. Peters at Las Pinas as we waited again for my Lolo to be ready for the viewing. Ang daming kwento. My cousin' s and I were still making fun of each other that night. My Mom also shared Tatay's last moment. He was suffering with heavy breathing and cough that night and then they suctioned his pleghm. He normally brush off the apparatus but he obidiently comply to his caregiver my Tita hired for him. And then my Mom made him calm and said "sige na 'Tay magpahinga ka na" with the only intention to tell him to go to sleep. Then my Mom went to rest after that. And the rest was history.
And now.. same scenario. Dawn of 30th of May, I was still busy watching koreanovela with also a surgeon as the main character. With only my Daddy at the house. We just switched rooms. My Mom is in Aklan right now so they could (I'm not sure if it's appropriate to use this word) celebrate my Tatay's first death anniversary.
I had alot of regrets! I wish I bond more with my Lolo before. I wish I shared to him my faith as he was laying on his death bed. I wish I had that courage. God has given me the opportunity but I blew it! So now I pray that He may give me strength to share the gospel to the need, most specially to my family. I pray that some time in my Lolo's life, someone shared the gospel to him and he had a personal relationship with Christ even in his last days. I feel hypocrite asking God my hopes about my Lolo's assurance in heaven 'coz basically I was a coward to share him the gospel. But God is sovereign and I am not. If it's His will, He will send someone brave enough to share the gospel to Tatay. I really hope I could still meet him up there and he'll make kwento again about his younger years.
I hope I woill never encounter this kind of regret ever again and be brave enough to share Jesus to all people.
IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!
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