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Hey there, 15 yrs old self!

This was me and my mum exactly 10 years ago during my high school graduation. 


I remember clearly I was a very ambitious, outgoing, and confident teenager back in my senior year. I thought I could be anything I want to be if I put my heart in to it. I was dreaming of becoming either a Fligh Attendant, a female comercial Pilot, or an Architect. Then maybe try out a modeling carerr on my spare time. But things changed when I entered college I wasn't prepared of! I thought I knew myself. I discovered that I was an extreme introvert that I never even made friends during college unless they put an effort to be my friend. Out of 3 colleges I went to, I only made friends to 6 people! 


I must say, college has taught me so much! I think it was one of the darkest face of my life. As Monica of F.R.I.E.N.S. said, "Welcome to the real world! It sucks but your gonna love it." Real world for me started back in college. I got immune to people's rejections so it was easy and comforting for me to be alone at school. Not that people rejected me as a friend, maybe it was me who always think people doesn't want to be friends with an awkward person so I feel like just looking at them, I think they're already rejecting me. I'm a weirdo, I know! But at that early stage of my life I learned that I don't need to please others especially if they're not even relevant to me. Besides, I can get to be home early and bond with my dogs and real freinds from high school. During field trips, I only pay for the fees just to earn grades and then make excuse on the day for not attending. I never tried vices like smoking nor drinking. No offense to people do that, you guys are cool on your own way but it's just not really my thing. And can I just brag that I never cheated nor copied on my exams - as far as my memory leads me. Maybe I did, but you can only count them in one hand. Yes I had  boring college life! haha


So much things I've been through for the past 10 years. When you were young, you see yourself doing marvelous things in life in the next few years. You thought you can be a boss of a company managing different kinds of people or start having your own family while still getting ahead of your career. Maybe giving back the luxury of life you desire to give back to your parents. Finally investing for your own house. Travelled to places with the person you love. So and so fort... But then reality hits you, you're just half way of your desired life.


Looking back to my old self, I had so much fears that I tried to hide with my lame excuses. I was scared to invest on important and long term stuffs because I was scared what if God ask my job back, I wouldn't be able to support my finances. I was scared to book a flight because I'm afraid something may came up on that date. Not giving people chances to get to know them because I feel I am the most weird version of myself if I get into a deep feelings - which I admit I cannot help. Looking back I realized, out of all the fears I had in mind, how many of that really happened? I just wasted my time worrying on the things that not even close to happen.




So to my 15 years old self,
You're not aware but life will be hard when you get out your comfort zone. But say what, it will build your character. 10 days from the day you got out of the school you went to for 12 straight years, Jesus will find you and you will have an amazing encounter with Him. And I'm telling ya, that decision will be the best decision you have ever done in you life, young lady! Thank you for receiving Jesus as your Lord and Savior I am where I am today.

God will bring you to the right people who will help you to become closer to Him. If it wasn't for the Lord using these people, you will still be hat awkward and stagnant kid who's so afraid to mature because the responsibilities of adulthood. Don't worry if you're too awkward to make friends in college, you'll gain a lot in church! You wouldn't believe it you will be discipling people for Jesus! Yes, you! All by the grace of God.

8 years from your time, you will have a very charming, intelligent, sweet - but impatient, little niece. You ill be so much in love with her and will never resist her cuteness. She will be the sunshine of the family. Mommy and Daddy will become both adorable and sometimes annoying Lolo and Lolas because of her. Also try to be more intentional to the family at that age, so they may see Jesus in your life. Take god care of Daddy and Moomy. You are the one who will be there most of the time because of singleness.

there you are taking a photo of them at the senior citizen lane

MLTR 2015 Manila Show

I hope you will be proud of what you will become 10 years from your time. You think you won't be able to do anything, but guess what... you will! Not even the things you imagined in your career. You will be able to work with great and influential people and be part of a crowd's happiness. You will be part of a big company with only 6 people working together producing huge things around the globe. you will handle and deal with different kinds of people and race. How great is that, self? But it wouldn't be easy to get to where I am now. Bunch of rejections and self doubts will come to you but never believe in the lies of the devil. Just keep your things straight and persevere.


Just to pre-empt you, you wouldn't be having anyone romantically in 10 years. I know you are expecting but don't put too much care about it. God, family, career, and finances ka muna, girl! But don't worry. I did a good job taking care of ourselves. Many have tried but none of them passed. Charot! haha. Oh dear, that leads me to the sense of being 25 and haven't experience a major heartbreak yet! God is preserving you, so stop worrying. By God's grace, you'll hit the jockpot on the first shot! I'm praying for him so better start from your age.



I'm really having a great time with the family, career, life, friends, and my walk with Jesus. You know this season is the best season to serve the Lord. I have the time, tressures, and talent that I won't be able to give 100% when I'll have my own family. God is so gracious to me that I am exactly where He wanted me to be. You may not become a Model nor a FA nor a Pilot nor an Architect. I'm glad God chose the field where He can nurture me and use for His Kingdom.


No remember, 15 years old self. God will never put you to a position so you can be proud and boast all your achievements. You are tere to be a blessing to your family and people you meet on the way. Most specially to give glory to our Creator. Keep working hard for the glory of the Lord. I will do too! So our 35 years old self won't nag at me as I nag at you. Hopefully by that time, may 3 or 4 years old na anak na tayo with GB. lol







"He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also He has put eternity in their hearts, except that no one can find out the work that God does from beginning to end."

ECCLESIASTES 3:11






IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

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Proud Tati

Everyone that knows me has the knowledge of how I praises the Lord for the life of my little niece, Amithi. And as the days gone by not being with her, I thank God that He also blessed us a wonderful sister-in-law, Ate Maeh, who always shares us every milestone of our little girl. 



Yesterday she sent us a video of Amithi playing an application for kids on her iPad - that kid has grown watching and tapping real hard the gadget. I just hope she won't grow up spending her playtime on iPad like Tati (I grew up playing alone with playstation and gameboy, so I think that sums up my personality today intovert probs haha!). Day by day she discovered new learnings and I'm amazed how she managed to pick up things so easily when her Tati needs a lot of effort to learn new things at this age haha! 


I keep on playing her videos every night. And then earlier while I re-watched some of her videos, I told myself I should teach her something as well. I want to contribute a lot in her life. Then it brought me back to the thought of wanting to teach her sing and dance (maybe I'll leave this part to Ate Maeh, I cannot dance) "Jesus Loves The Little Children" and "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus" before. 



So I ended up crying while watching christian children rhymes on Youtube. Seriously, I cried with the simple lyrics of the song!!! I remember last year during christmas worship service, I literally cried singing "Joy To The World". As in iyak ng joyful heart! Yung tipong para akong nasa worship night during retreats! That's the first time I appreciated the song haha. Every words from the lyrics says all the things God has done for us na lagi ko lang kinananta as if I was just singing a pop song from Taylor Swift! So back to the children songs, I felt the same way earlier. That Jesus loves every children of the world including Amithi and that made my heart so greatful! Amithi is precious in  my sight but even most precious in His sight. 

I am a proud Tati to this kid and I never had a moment looking at her without smiling. I remember Ate Tina asked us before during our dgroup "How do you think Jesus' face when He looks at you?". I didn't know what to answer that time, maybe He's frowning because I didn't let my sister use the car again or maybe He's shaking His head because I keep on asking gor forgiveness on my favorite sins over and over again. I can confidently answer her question now: Jesus is smiling when He looks at me regardless of all my shortcomings! And He assured me that through my  niece. That regardless of what she will do wrong in the future, I will never stop looking at her without a smile on my face and that I know is for sure, Jesus will never frown at me! I may frown at Amithi someday just as how I disappoint Jesus day by day, but He's love is different from my love for my niece. He has the perfect love! We may dissappoint Him, but He will never take off that smile on His face when He looks at you because His unconditional love for you is more greater than your shortcomings.

"The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quietyou with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” - Zephania 3:17

Jesus let us feel His love through other people and that made me love Him even more. I pray that I may also give the same impact to othrr people like how God uses Amithi for me to love Him more. This made me realized that God can still use you the least you only thought you can offer or even without you knowing it. God uses a now 15 month old baby to reveal more His love and goodness to me without my niece knowing it. And when you happen to read this in the future, Amithitay, "You'rw doing a good job and you can serve Him even more because He already used you from the first day of your life without any of your efforts. Your identity is in Christ so be joyful to be your best self for His glory and enjoy serving God. PS: I love you and ililibre kita ng shopping today when you read this! Send me a screenshot! Hahaha". 


I hope that everyone could experience the love Jesus is offering! He keeps on calling you, please answer and I assure you the true life worth living on earth! 😊


IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

RANDOM FARTS

Just a little bit of an update with life. I noticed that I haven't wrote any sensful entry in a long while. I also checked my drafts and I have bunch of writings haven't published yet. I'll published it pag sinipag ako. I got lazy posting here knowing that there is a regular viewer here which I never wanted for people to discover this blog - specially those who I know personally. And yes, I can see you! And I think I know who you are. You don't mess with a lady who has beyond average stalking skills! So please leave this page and never come back! Hahaha. (I'm serious)


So there. Life's been boring today. We don't have any show at work yet. Even for Asia. So all I do is to post relevant contents on our social media accounts. Ugh, I miss work. Real work! I don't want to get paid like this. But praise God my boss is so gracious and genereous with me. I don't know what's keeping him busy right now. But I'm really really bored! Last time we met he told me we'll be having our office in June or July. He's just fixing some stuffs for the office. I wonder if he'll hire more people for the office. I can't imagine myself alone in the office when Peds is out of the country which he is most of the time. I don't know din if we needed more hands because we worked for 2 years with just me and him and Kuya Joel (his driver) in the company. Oh well, wherever God leads us! I just pray we get this project we've plan to bring in Manila. It's gonna be huge! And by the way, Pedsy's becoming like a celebrity now. Hahaha! Since Rachel, her sister, won Miss U Ph, I've been seeing him on tv.haha! She also worked for the company as our artists' RM. So I guess I won't see her more often na. But I'm super happy for her. I prayed and voted for her! Very kind and humble gal!


I also went to Boracay with my friends few weeks ago. Mejo sad lang 'coz I didn't get the chance to visit our ancestral house in Numancia (which is 2hrs travel from boracay) and pay a visit at my lolo's grave. Next week will be his 2 death anniversary and it sadden me. The trip was fine. Boracay was not as good as I see it whenever we go there when I was a kid. Too much building and crowded. But it doesn't matter. I don't know why some people that. It's a beach with all of its convinience. Or maybe I'm just a person who cannot live without the comfort of the foods and convinience. I mean yung simple island lang and you'll put an extra effort so you could eat or take a shower on a not so sanitized bathroom. Hassle siya for me! Haha. What I didn't like was the travel experience. Nag 2Go kami papunta then RoRo pauwi and some disasters came for us that I want to erase in my memory.hahaha! Before I always wanted the ship ride more than planes. But this experience made me want to never travel with ships anymore. Lol! Not super disaster naman, pero super hassle! Maybe i'll share it on my next entry nalang... or not!haha


Lately I've been thinking of my future. When will I get the courage to apply for abroad. Does God wants me to work out of the country. I love my job here, and I cannot imagine myself doing anything aside from promoting concerts. The joy it gives me whenever I see the fans meet their favorite artists. I feel that I was also part of the reason of their happiness. As of now I really want to focus on my career growth rather than my financial growth. i don't mind seeing my cousins and friends getting successfull abroad as long as I'm growing in my chosen field. But I asked my self until when will this be my mindset. I'm not getting any younger. I desire to give my parents their dream house. I desire for them to travel somewhere they want to. I desire for them not to worry about the household budget anymore. Before man lang ako mag asawa I want them to experience the luxur of life. By God's grace. Only by God' grace will my desire to happen.


Our family now is pretty steady. May ganun ba? Haha! We don't video called with Amithi often na. But Ate Maeh regularly sends us videos of her new discovered skills.haha! We also planned to treat our parents for their birthday next month. My brother thought of this and siyempre as younger sibs, we ought to submit! Haha. I'm also starting to save na! Like real saving!! Now I limit my self P500 per week nalang! And it's my 3rd week of success, praise God! Kaya ko naman pala. Bakit ngayon lang ako nagsimula? You wouldn't believe how much I wasted my money before! I swear. Please pray for me on this. Sana tuloy tuloy na! 

Spritually, I'm okay. Which is not okay! I have to be more than okay in my spiritual life. I lay-low in the ministry I joined few months ago. I don't know. It's just my weird personality. Nung una naman, super active and productive ko sa FridaySesh. But now, I rarely attend na. Ang dami na kasing volunteers. Don't get me wrong! I praise God for that! Totoo yung "The Lord added to the church daily" na verse. Because weekly, nadadagdagan ng nadadagdagan yung mga volunteers. I don't even know some of them na nga eh. And me as an introvert, pag masyadong madami nang tao I always want to withdraw myself. But friends ko naman silang lahat. I just have this social anxieties thing that I can't overcome!

 I also decided to join one of the ministries in iur church, Rescue Kabataan. The government joined forces with our church to help rescue the youth and help them point their lives to Jesus. Ate Tina texted me last Sunday before I arrived at church if I want to volunteer for the ministry. I honestly don't have a heart for the youth so I couldn't respond to her agad. So I prayed for it during the whole worship service. Sakto yung topic was joining a dgroup and how can we help others. Still no burden for me to volunteer in RK. But I realized that I don't have to a burden for the youth for me to help them. I was tasked by God to do that. And I thought also an opportunity to challenge my self and see how God will work on me in this area which is never my personality. I'm pretty excited as well as nervous because it's a COMMITMENT -which Bro. Renz joked about last Sunday that it's the most feared word for christians. Hahaha!

I'm also asking God for discernment about this certain something that I prayed for a long time. I'll make kwento if nacofirm na. Pero it may take a long while, or maybe just a little while. In God's timetable. I don't wanna rush God, but sometimes (most of the time) kinukulit ko na si Lord about dun. Buti God has unlimitted patience for all the people, baka di na talaga ibigay sakin ni God to haha! But the Lord confirmed it to me several times. I don't know, I feel confident naman that these confirmations are from God but I keep on asking Him. Maybe it's my way of guarding my heart instead of letting God guard it. You just need to relax and enjoy the season, self. 


So there.. didn't expect this to be long. Haba pala ng update ko. short pa yan!hahaha. Hopefully sipagin ako ipublish yung mga nasa drafts ko. See ya! 

Oh no! I hope I won't see ya! Don't come back here again, please. 



IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

I'M ONLY ONE ASK AWAY!

😉

https://ask.fm/kRisAjiLL



IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

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HOW TO (initially) WIN MY HEART

Talk to me about Jesus and my niece all day! 😅

IN ALL THINGS,

GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

INEVITABLE CHANGE

I feel not sharing this here, specially it's my first entry for 2017 but here it goes...


There's soo much changes in my church life this 2017. And last night was one of them. We had our last D12 meeting with Ate Tina before the turnover of dgroups. Starting today our dgroup will be handled by Ate Macey, one of our leaders in singles ministry. 


I feel like in deep sorrow (yes, ganyan ka-OA!haha) right now because I wasn't prepared for this - and never will. I tried to submit and not question God's plans for our dgroup but I can't help not to worry about it. I know I can submit to our new discipler's leadership, but there's so much buts at the back of my mind. I literally cried for this several days before. For 3 years and 4 months, Ate Tina was so intentional to me personally specially in my walk with God. And like I always tell God, He has given me His best discipler/servant He could offer to help me love, trust and serve Him more. I can say that she helped me grow 90% of where I am spiritually, all by the grace of God. 


I'm trying to understand God why this needs to happen. Kung kailan kaya ko na mag-express ng sarili ko sa dgroup. To be honest, it took me years to be open and express myself in our dgroup and it really makes me anxious that I need to deal with another set of people I'm not close with. I feel pressured as well that I need to project a leadership characteristic because I will be grouped with other CCF leaders. Of course it's just all in my mind but I can't help it! 


Earlier during our devotions, Ate Tina asked were there time/s we felt things were unfair to us. I wanted to share my thoughts about our situation. "Bakit parang kami lang yung nagiba ng discipler?", "Bakit yung iba hindi naman katulad ng situation namin?", "Bakit yung ibang dgroup sama-sama parin kahit may changes?". Selfish thoughts like that. I really wanted to share that but I don't want to set up a mood that night so I shared something else. And then as we closed in prayer, I tried very hard not to cry. I swear I gathered all my stregnths to stop myself! I hope they did not noticed that in my eyes. My thoughts were focused on asking God is this really the last time? Can we stop the time, Lord? Can You extend our time together as a group? Pwede bang next year nalang?


I couldn't process everything right now. Too much disorganized thoughts. Thoughts from the past and what's life ahead. Worries and discomforts. Then eventually, Ate May Anne and Ate Sassy will get married soon I will be left in singles ministry, panibagong pakikisama nanaman. I thought being the youngest was a good thing, but not in this area. Ugh! I hate me being pessimistic! 


I feel I have no one to talk to about my anxieties. I feel I lost my outlet group whom I can be myself and share things such these. All though I'm still with Ate May Anne and Ate Sassy, but I think they also feel the same way also. Siguro ako lang yung pinaka malungkot and ayaw sa situation. I just don't want them to know. And I don't want to burden Ate Tina and Ate Macey about this. I'm not sure if I will be as excited as I was during our D12. Can I brag that I completed out D12 attendance last year? Hahaha! I never want to miss a meeting with my Ates. Because with them, I feel being me. I can share my ugly thoughts and bad habbits without being scared to be judged. I can cry. I can be honest when I feel frustrated whenever I feel God is being silent with my prayers. I also feel blessed to be surrounded by matured people, not just in spiritual but in life. It made me look at the things differently as an adult. 



As the verse from Ecclesiastes said, there are times for everything. And this time God wants me to stop holding on too much on my discipler because God will now use her for another purpose. She will be needed for a better purpose for other people. I don't deserve to be discipled by someone like Ate but God is so gracious He gives you people who will be patient with you.


I know we will learn alot from Ate Macey. She's also a woman of God. I'm sure she'll be able to disciple us as Ate Tina did. To be very honest I feel intimidated by her presence. I've got the chance to bond with her several times before and she's super nice but she looks strict kasi so I don't know what to expect on our future meetings.hahaha!


I couldn't thank God enough for giving us Ate as our discipler for a couple of years. The Lord knows how much I am thankful for sharing her life to us. If there are things in my spiritual life I can brag about, and one of it was that God has given me a kind, loving, humble, intentional, selfless, beautiful inside out kind of discipler everyone couldn't have. Even her flaws are still a blessing to us because we still learn from it. And  as much as I want to share my life and growth to our dgroup, I know it's already time for our dgroup to set apart. I'm sure Ate will contribute more on people whom God assigned her just like how she contributed to our lives. She is now tasked for a higher calling and I'm pretty confident she'll do her best. It's not as if we won't be seeing each other in church, I'm just being too emotional and OA.hahaha! 


I don't know what to expect on this new chapter in my spiritual life. I just want to start trusting God with this changes and stop worrying on the things that doesn't exist yet. As one of our pastors said, "When God makes you grow, you have to be ready na masaktan". I know God is only stretching me this season and He wants me to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I was too comfortable with my walk with Him last year and He wants to show marvelous things that could happen despite the pain of this so called change. He just wants me to surrender and trust what He is doing. I want to apply what Ate Tina thought me when she was still my discipler. To willingly submit to God even if things are not comfortable for me. I know I can get over this season soon because my discipler and God thought me well! 


I don't know why but I'm still praying that things will get back eventually to the way it was. Ang kulit ko, sabi ko magsusubmit na ako kay Lord eh. Okay submit! 😅


IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

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Upcoming B1G Retreat

It's only few days from now 'til our singles retreat. It's going to be my second time attending a retreat and this time it'll be hosted by CCF main. I'm looking forward of the things I will learn from the experience. Last year was my first. I was also a group leader for the attendees and I don't even had an idea of a retreat. I was nervous but praise God I overcome it. When it really comes to Gof's calling, you'll always do things you thought you'd never do. And I praise God for that! :)


This time, hayahay ako! No pressure. I'll just enjoy everything. All though I haven't told my parents that I'll be gone for the weekends. I'm not expecting anything yet. I'm actually worrying of how to pay for the retreat fee 'coz it's a little bit pricey. The more I keep on thinking of ways to save money, the more I stress myself. So I decided to give my financial struggles to God. It's His problem not mine, anyway. He allowed me to attend the retreat, He'll provide for my fees. Okay I sounded arrogant against God here, all I just want to say is I am confident He will provide for me. I guess it's the best part of having a relationship and trust with God, you can always hand Him over your problems and let Him do the works. And He only requires is your surrendered heart. 



I was also thinking of what things to pack. We'll be staying for 3 days there and haven't prepared myself physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually yet. Maybe because of things I have to do for work and gifts that I will ship for Amithitay. I had christimas shopping bonding with Mommy last friday. It was fun and frustratinf (financially). It's always the best feeling to go shopping with your mom, but never when you're the one paying for it. But still fun! And then we had a little coffee time and catch up while we wait for Daddy to pick us from the mall. 


There! Just a little catch up with life. Also busy working for a show in Las Vegas these past few days as my pasrt time projects and steady lang on my regular job. I feel overwhelmed with God. What did I do to deserve jobs like these 😊. All that matter is what what He can do with my life rather than what I can do. Al the praises and the glory to Him alone ☝

See ya when I get back from retreat! I'll be back with a transformed heart for God. Cheeeha!!



IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!