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Proud Tati

Everyone that knows me has the knowledge of how I praises the Lord for the life of my little niece, Amithi. And as the days gone by not being with her, I thank God that He also blessed us a wonderful sister-in-law, Ate Maeh, who always shares us every milestone of our little girl. 



Yesterday she sent us a video of Amithi playing an application for kids on her iPad - that kid has grown watching and tapping real hard the gadget. I just hope she won't grow up spending her playtime on iPad like Tati (I grew up playing alone with playstation and gameboy, so I think that sums up my personality today intovert probs haha!). Day by day she discovered new learnings and I'm amazed how she managed to pick up things so easily when her Tati needs a lot of effort to learn new things at this age haha! 


I keep on playing her videos every night. And then earlier while I re-watched some of her videos, I told myself I should teach her something as well. I want to contribute a lot in her life. Then it brought me back to the thought of wanting to teach her sing and dance (maybe I'll leave this part to Ate Maeh, I cannot dance) "Jesus Loves The Little Children" and "I Have Decided To Follow Jesus" before. 



So I ended up crying while watching christian children rhymes on Youtube. Seriously, I cried with the simple lyrics of the song!!! I remember last year during christmas worship service, I literally cried singing "Joy To The World". As in iyak ng joyful heart! Yung tipong para akong nasa worship night during retreats! That's the first time I appreciated the song haha. Every words from the lyrics says all the things God has done for us na lagi ko lang kinananta as if I was just singing a pop song from Taylor Swift! So back to the children songs, I felt the same way earlier. That Jesus loves every children of the world including Amithi and that made my heart so greatful! Amithi is precious in  my sight but even most precious in His sight. 

I am a proud Tati to this kid and I never had a moment looking at her without smiling. I remember Ate Tina asked us before during our dgroup "How do you think Jesus' face when He looks at you?". I didn't know what to answer that time, maybe He's frowning because I didn't let my sister use the car again or maybe He's shaking His head because I keep on asking gor forgiveness on my favorite sins over and over again. I can confidently answer her question now: Jesus is smiling when He looks at me regardless of all my shortcomings! And He assured me that through my  niece. That regardless of what she will do wrong in the future, I will never stop looking at her without a smile on my face and that I know is for sure, Jesus will never frown at me! I may frown at Amithi someday just as how I disappoint Jesus day by day, but He's love is different from my love for my niece. He has the perfect love! We may dissappoint Him, but He will never take off that smile on His face when He looks at you because His unconditional love for you is more greater than your shortcomings.

"The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quietyou with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” - Zephania 3:17

Jesus let us feel His love through other people and that made me love Him even more. I pray that I may also give the same impact to othrr people like how God uses Amithi for me to love Him more. This made me realized that God can still use you the least you only thought you can offer or even without you knowing it. God uses a now 15 month old baby to reveal more His love and goodness to me without my niece knowing it. And when you happen to read this in the future, Amithitay, "You'rw doing a good job and you can serve Him even more because He already used you from the first day of your life without any of your efforts. Your identity is in Christ so be joyful to be your best self for His glory and enjoy serving God. PS: I love you and ililibre kita ng shopping today when you read this! Send me a screenshot! Hahaha". 


I hope that everyone could experience the love Jesus is offering! He keeps on calling you, please answer and I assure you the true life worth living on earth! 😊


IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

RANDOM FARTS

Just a little bit of an update with life. I noticed that I haven't wrote any sensful entry in a long while. I also checked my drafts and I have bunch of writings haven't published yet. I'll published it pag sinipag ako. I got lazy posting here knowing that there is a regular viewer here which I never wanted for people to discover this blog - specially those who I know personally. And yes, I can see you! And I think I know who you are. You don't mess with a lady who has beyond average stalking skills! So please leave this page and never come back! Hahaha. (I'm serious)


So there. Life's been boring today. We don't have any show at work yet. Even for Asia. So all I do is to post relevant contents on our social media accounts. Ugh, I miss work. Real work! I don't want to get paid like this. But praise God my boss is so gracious and genereous with me. I don't know what's keeping him busy right now. But I'm really really bored! Last time we met he told me we'll be having our office in June or July. He's just fixing some stuffs for the office. I wonder if he'll hire more people for the office. I can't imagine myself alone in the office when Peds is out of the country which he is most of the time. I don't know din if we needed more hands because we worked for 2 years with just me and him and Kuya Joel (his driver) in the company. Oh well, wherever God leads us! I just pray we get this project we've plan to bring in Manila. It's gonna be huge! And by the way, Pedsy's becoming like a celebrity now. Hahaha! Since Rachel, her sister, won Miss U Ph, I've been seeing him on tv.haha! She also worked for the company as our artists' RM. So I guess I won't see her more often na. But I'm super happy for her. I prayed and voted for her! Very kind and humble gal!


I also went to Boracay with my friends few weeks ago. Mejo sad lang 'coz I didn't get the chance to visit our ancestral house in Numancia (which is 2hrs travel from boracay) and pay a visit at my lolo's grave. Next week will be his 2 death anniversary and it sadden me. The trip was fine. Boracay was not as good as I see it whenever we go there when I was a kid. Too much building and crowded. But it doesn't matter. I don't know why some people that. It's a beach with all of its convinience. Or maybe I'm just a person who cannot live without the comfort of the foods and convinience. I mean yung simple island lang and you'll put an extra effort so you could eat or take a shower on a not so sanitized bathroom. Hassle siya for me! Haha. What I didn't like was the travel experience. Nag 2Go kami papunta then RoRo pauwi and some disasters came for us that I want to erase in my memory.hahaha! Before I always wanted the ship ride more than planes. But this experience made me want to never travel with ships anymore. Lol! Not super disaster naman, pero super hassle! Maybe i'll share it on my next entry nalang... or not!haha


Lately I've been thinking of my future. When will I get the courage to apply for abroad. Does God wants me to work out of the country. I love my job here, and I cannot imagine myself doing anything aside from promoting concerts. The joy it gives me whenever I see the fans meet their favorite artists. I feel that I was also part of the reason of their happiness. As of now I really want to focus on my career growth rather than my financial growth. i don't mind seeing my cousins and friends getting successfull abroad as long as I'm growing in my chosen field. But I asked my self until when will this be my mindset. I'm not getting any younger. I desire to give my parents their dream house. I desire for them to travel somewhere they want to. I desire for them not to worry about the household budget anymore. Before man lang ako mag asawa I want them to experience the luxur of life. By God's grace. Only by God' grace will my desire to happen.


Our family now is pretty steady. May ganun ba? Haha! We don't video called with Amithi often na. But Ate Maeh regularly sends us videos of her new discovered skills.haha! We also planned to treat our parents for their birthday next month. My brother thought of this and siyempre as younger sibs, we ought to submit! Haha. I'm also starting to save na! Like real saving!! Now I limit my self P500 per week nalang! And it's my 3rd week of success, praise God! Kaya ko naman pala. Bakit ngayon lang ako nagsimula? You wouldn't believe how much I wasted my money before! I swear. Please pray for me on this. Sana tuloy tuloy na! 

Spritually, I'm okay. Which is not okay! I have to be more than okay in my spiritual life. I lay-low in the ministry I joined few months ago. I don't know. It's just my weird personality. Nung una naman, super active and productive ko sa FridaySesh. But now, I rarely attend na. Ang dami na kasing volunteers. Don't get me wrong! I praise God for that! Totoo yung "The Lord added to the church daily" na verse. Because weekly, nadadagdagan ng nadadagdagan yung mga volunteers. I don't even know some of them na nga eh. And me as an introvert, pag masyadong madami nang tao I always want to withdraw myself. But friends ko naman silang lahat. I just have this social anxieties thing that I can't overcome!

 I also decided to join one of the ministries in iur church, Rescue Kabataan. The government joined forces with our church to help rescue the youth and help them point their lives to Jesus. Ate Tina texted me last Sunday before I arrived at church if I want to volunteer for the ministry. I honestly don't have a heart for the youth so I couldn't respond to her agad. So I prayed for it during the whole worship service. Sakto yung topic was joining a dgroup and how can we help others. Still no burden for me to volunteer in RK. But I realized that I don't have to a burden for the youth for me to help them. I was tasked by God to do that. And I thought also an opportunity to challenge my self and see how God will work on me in this area which is never my personality. I'm pretty excited as well as nervous because it's a COMMITMENT -which Bro. Renz joked about last Sunday that it's the most feared word for christians. Hahaha!

I'm also asking God for discernment about this certain something that I prayed for a long time. I'll make kwento if nacofirm na. Pero it may take a long while, or maybe just a little while. In God's timetable. I don't wanna rush God, but sometimes (most of the time) kinukulit ko na si Lord about dun. Buti God has unlimitted patience for all the people, baka di na talaga ibigay sakin ni God to haha! But the Lord confirmed it to me several times. I don't know, I feel confident naman that these confirmations are from God but I keep on asking Him. Maybe it's my way of guarding my heart instead of letting God guard it. You just need to relax and enjoy the season, self. 


So there.. didn't expect this to be long. Haba pala ng update ko. short pa yan!hahaha. Hopefully sipagin ako ipublish yung mga nasa drafts ko. See ya! 

Oh no! I hope I won't see ya! Don't come back here again, please. 



IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

I'M ONLY ONE ASK AWAY!

😉

https://ask.fm/kRisAjiLL



IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

RANDOM FARTS:
HOW TO (initially) WIN MY HEART

Talk to me about Jesus and my niece all day! 😅

IN ALL THINGS,

GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

INEVITABLE CHANGE

I feel not sharing this here, specially it's my first entry for 2017 but here it goes...


There's soo much changes in my church life this 2017. And last night was one of them. We had our last D12 meeting with Ate Tina before the turnover of dgroups. Starting today our dgroup will be handled by Ate Macey, one of our leaders in singles ministry. 


I feel like in deep sorrow (yes, ganyan ka-OA!haha) right now because I wasn't prepared for this - and never will. I tried to submit and not question God's plans for our dgroup but I can't help not to worry about it. I know I can submit to our new discipler's leadership, but there's so much buts at the back of my mind. I literally cried for this several days before. For 3 years and 4 months, Ate Tina was so intentional to me personally specially in my walk with God. And like I always tell God, He has given me His best discipler/servant He could offer to help me love, trust and serve Him more. I can say that she helped me grow 90% of where I am spiritually, all by the grace of God. 


I'm trying to understand God why this needs to happen. Kung kailan kaya ko na mag-express ng sarili ko sa dgroup. To be honest, it took me years to be open and express myself in our dgroup and it really makes me anxious that I need to deal with another set of people I'm not close with. I feel pressured as well that I need to project a leadership characteristic because I will be grouped with other CCF leaders. Of course it's just all in my mind but I can't help it! 


Earlier during our devotions, Ate Tina asked were there time/s we felt things were unfair to us. I wanted to share my thoughts about our situation. "Bakit parang kami lang yung nagiba ng discipler?", "Bakit yung iba hindi naman katulad ng situation namin?", "Bakit yung ibang dgroup sama-sama parin kahit may changes?". Selfish thoughts like that. I really wanted to share that but I don't want to set up a mood that night so I shared something else. And then as we closed in prayer, I tried very hard not to cry. I swear I gathered all my stregnths to stop myself! I hope they did not noticed that in my eyes. My thoughts were focused on asking God is this really the last time? Can we stop the time, Lord? Can You extend our time together as a group? Pwede bang next year nalang?


I couldn't process everything right now. Too much disorganized thoughts. Thoughts from the past and what's life ahead. Worries and discomforts. Then eventually, Ate May Anne and Ate Sassy will get married soon I will be left in singles ministry, panibagong pakikisama nanaman. I thought being the youngest was a good thing, but not in this area. Ugh! I hate me being pessimistic! 


I feel I have no one to talk to about my anxieties. I feel I lost my outlet group whom I can be myself and share things such these. All though I'm still with Ate May Anne and Ate Sassy, but I think they also feel the same way also. Siguro ako lang yung pinaka malungkot and ayaw sa situation. I just don't want them to know. And I don't want to burden Ate Tina and Ate Macey about this. I'm not sure if I will be as excited as I was during our D12. Can I brag that I completed out D12 attendance last year? Hahaha! I never want to miss a meeting with my Ates. Because with them, I feel being me. I can share my ugly thoughts and bad habbits without being scared to be judged. I can cry. I can be honest when I feel frustrated whenever I feel God is being silent with my prayers. I also feel blessed to be surrounded by matured people, not just in spiritual but in life. It made me look at the things differently as an adult. 



As the verse from Ecclesiastes said, there are times for everything. And this time God wants me to stop holding on too much on my discipler because God will now use her for another purpose. She will be needed for a better purpose for other people. I don't deserve to be discipled by someone like Ate but God is so gracious He gives you people who will be patient with you.


I know we will learn alot from Ate Macey. She's also a woman of God. I'm sure she'll be able to disciple us as Ate Tina did. To be very honest I feel intimidated by her presence. I've got the chance to bond with her several times before and she's super nice but she looks strict kasi so I don't know what to expect on our future meetings.hahaha!


I couldn't thank God enough for giving us Ate as our discipler for a couple of years. The Lord knows how much I am thankful for sharing her life to us. If there are things in my spiritual life I can brag about, and one of it was that God has given me a kind, loving, humble, intentional, selfless, beautiful inside out kind of discipler everyone couldn't have. Even her flaws are still a blessing to us because we still learn from it. And  as much as I want to share my life and growth to our dgroup, I know it's already time for our dgroup to set apart. I'm sure Ate will contribute more on people whom God assigned her just like how she contributed to our lives. She is now tasked for a higher calling and I'm pretty confident she'll do her best. It's not as if we won't be seeing each other in church, I'm just being too emotional and OA.hahaha! 


I don't know what to expect on this new chapter in my spiritual life. I just want to start trusting God with this changes and stop worrying on the things that doesn't exist yet. As one of our pastors said, "When God makes you grow, you have to be ready na masaktan". I know God is only stretching me this season and He wants me to get out of my comfort zone. Maybe I was too comfortable with my walk with Him last year and He wants to show marvelous things that could happen despite the pain of this so called change. He just wants me to surrender and trust what He is doing. I want to apply what Ate Tina thought me when she was still my discipler. To willingly submit to God even if things are not comfortable for me. I know I can get over this season soon because my discipler and God thought me well! 


I don't know why but I'm still praying that things will get back eventually to the way it was. Ang kulit ko, sabi ko magsusubmit na ako kay Lord eh. Okay submit! 😅


IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!