RANDOM THOUGHTS:

I missed you, Tatay!

It's been a year since my Lolo left us. And I'm having the same scenario at exactly a year ago. 

Dawn of May 30th last year, I was enjoying watching a Korean drama about surgeon doctors. I think that was Good Doctor which I still haven't finished yet. It was only me and my Daddy in the house'coz my Mom was in the hospital. I don't know where on earth my little sister was. I stayed up until around 4am that morning and my lolo was declared dead at 3:47 in the morning. I planned to visit him that day after my meeting with my boss in the afternoon so I could check on him narin. 6am I woke up hearing my dad talking on the phone. I was so sleepy that morning and thought I'm only half-awake dreaming. I remember my Dad talking in english not knowing that he was calling my Tita in Australia. I did not bother to eavesdrop and thought it was just a wrong number call so I went back to sleep. 

I woke up at 9 in the morning to prepare some stuffs for my meeting. Just when I was about to get inside my room, my dad asked me where am i going and told him I have a meeting. Then he asked "Alam mo na bang patay na si Tatay?". And I was like "HUH???". And the rest of our conversation was history. I went inside my room and reflect for a moment to absorb all the news from that morning. I was prepared for that but I still can't believe it. I kept my composure and my mom called me. I told her I was about to visit them after my meeting. So she asked me to get my Lolo's suit that was delivered from Aklan after my meeting. As I drive I couldn't some up everything. During our meeting I was feeling high. I did not share to my boss what had happen although he's aware of my Lolo's condition.  We ended our meeting before lunch then I went straight to the air cargo to pick up the package but the cargo will be arriving at 2 in the afternoon so I went back to the mall and waited there. I played christian songs as I drive from my every destination. Until I get the package, that's when everything is sinking in to me. 

I went straight to the hospital and saw my titos and cousin waiting at the lobby. They were all staring blankly at the floor. I went closer to them and then my Tito smiled at me as if assuring me that everything is fine. I asked the details of what happened and they told me that Tatay was about to go home that same day and will be an out patient but he didn't make it. I remember Tita Phine said when we got back from Manila from Aklan "Ayaw narin siguro ni Tatay na pahirapan ako magalaga sa bahay kaya bumigay nalang siya." . Then I looked for my Mom, she went at the funeral parlor with Tita Phine and will be waiting for us there. We've waited for about 2 hours so the hospital could released my Lolo. As we wait my Titos were asking me if I wanted to see Tatay at the morgue. I was hesitant at first but I finally agreed. As we walked claser to the morgue, I couldn't tell how I feel. I saw one corpe lying on a metal bed clothed with a white blanket. And then my Tito opened it then tears fell inside the room. My fingers feels shaky as I type these. Then the funeral parlor took my lolo's corp out of the hospital. He was put inside a large black bag that I only see on televisions. My Tito Danny said to the men carrying my Lolo "Alagaan niyo yung tatay namin ah. Dahan lang kayo magadrive."


I still felt numb that day. I don't know what and how I was feeling. Until we all gathered at St. Peters at Las Pinas as we waited again for my Lolo to be ready for the viewing. Ang daming kwento. My cousin' s and I were still making fun of each other that night. My Mom also shared Tatay's last moment. He was suffering with heavy breathing and cough that night and then they suctioned his pleghm. He normally brush off the apparatus but he obidiently comply to his caregiver my Tita hired for him. And then my Mom made him calm and said "sige na 'Tay magpahinga ka na" with the only intention to tell him to go to sleep. Then my Mom went to rest after that. And the rest was history. 


And now.. same scenario. Dawn of 30th of May, I was still busy watching koreanovela with also a surgeon as the main character. With only my Daddy at the house. We just switched rooms. My Mom is in Aklan right now so they could (I'm not sure if it's appropriate to use this word) celebrate my Tatay's first death anniversary.


I had alot of regrets! I wish I bond more with my Lolo before. I wish I shared to him my faith as he was laying on his death bed. I wish I had that courage. God has given me the opportunity but I blew it! So now I pray that He may give me strength to share the gospel to the need, most specially to my family. I pray that some time in my Lolo's life, someone shared the gospel to him and he had a personal relationship with Christ even in his last days. I feel hypocrite asking God my hopes about my Lolo's assurance in heaven 'coz basically I was a coward to share him the gospel. But God is sovereign and I am not. If it's His will, He will send someone brave enough to share the gospel to Tatay. I really hope I could still meet him up there and he'll make kwento again about his younger years. 

I hope I woill never encounter this kind of regret ever again and be brave enough to share Jesus to all people.


IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

HAPPY MUM'S DAY!

Today is the celebration of women we look up to the most, Mother's Day! And I would like to thank these women who truly inspires me to become a better woman - not just as a mom - someday. These are the moms that are super close to my heart.

MOTHER LU

We all call her Nanay. She's my mom's mother (I wish I met my Lola on Daddy's side so I could greet her too. Happy Mothers day up there, Lola Isabel!) She's normally super sungit to other people but when it comes to us, her grand children, she always shows us a cheerful attitude - except when she's being attack by her crazy imagination, nagsusungit din siya samin. But not in a level of sungit pag sa ibang tao. I super love my grandmother. Other people may hate her because of her character but she's super different to us. I wish I could see her more often coz she's now in the province and alone at our house there. She doesn't want to live here in Manila with us. Sometimes I hate it whenever she smokes inside the house, I hate sniffing ciggs and I tend to throw up whenever I inhaled too much of it. But no complains, I love to be with her more than my kaartehan.  She also loves Ice cream and sweets! I always buy her her favorite whenever she's in the house. She shows very hard personality outside but she's super loving inside. She always nag at Tatay before and even threw him her arinola. But Tatay's too loving he understand Nanay. I miss Tatay! I remember the time they last saw each other. Nanay's leaving to go home in Aklan and Tatay will be staying in Manila because of his health condition. She runs after Nanay sa car then gave Nanay his money then said "'Day, 'day! (He calls her Inday) Mag-ingat ka palagi. Ikaw na bahala sa bahay, ha". Then out of the blue, Nanay cried. She's not like that. Normally, she'll shout and nag at my lolo but she just cried. Maybe she had that feeling that it'll be their last time to see each other. Haaay! I miss them together.

I just pray that God will bless her good health and a happy and peaceful life. She's 82 years old now but she worries a lot of things that doesn't even exist. I love you Nanay! I hope to see you soon! Come back here na in Manila.

ATE MAEH

She's my brother's wife. I love that she helped my brother to draw closer to God. She's a christian also and I am very happy to know that the first time I knew it. I say, she has a great influence why my brother is a better and kind man now. As I said on my previous post, my brother was the most cruel brother you could ever have before. But after meeting Ate Maeh, his percpective and the way he treats us changed 360 degree - I mean 180 para di na bumalik!haha. I also thank her for giving birth to our cutie baby, Amithi. Before I thought we won't see them often when my brother gets back in Malaysia, but she's super generous to us. She's the one who reaches out and sleep here in our place. I really admire Ate Maeh. I don't think I could do that to my in laws in the future. But experiencing that made me want to do it also in my future in-laws. I also admire her jolly personality. She's a woman na madadala mo kahit saan. She gets along with people well. She can even bond with my tita's better than I. 

I pray that she may have a good health. Witnessing hiw hard it is to raise a baby truly gained alot more respect for the mothers. I pray that they may enjoy there family life even though my brother's away. That they may raise Amithi as a good kid and has a fear and desires to follow and serve God.

ATE TINA

My discipler, mentor, and spirutual mother. She patiently planted the most important seed in my life, Jesus Christ. I am super blessed to witness her waiting season as a mother. They've waited patiently to God for their baby. She often cried before on our dgroup whenever she talks about waiting to have a baby. I see her as a woman of good faith, but I still feel bless whenever I see her weakness, 'coz God reveals to me His glory whenever I see poeple I look up became fragile. So now that God finally gave them what I believe they deserve, I praise the Lord for being faithful to us who continually prays for them. I know Ate will be a great mom to Royce because I experienced being taken care by her spiritually. What more pa kaya sa anak niya. I am excited! 

And lastly, the most precious woman in my life.... 

IMELDA MORIAS

My mom. I don't know what to say to this woman. All I know is that shes a wonder mom for us, her 4 kids. I seriously can't move my fingers. I don't couldn't find words to describe my hero and how my I love her. Ever since I was a kid, I was a Daddy's girl. 'Coz I thought my Mum doesn't understand me nor supports what I want - though I don't even know what I want ever since. She isn't strict to us and I feel blessed by that. Though she just let us be, I am proud that we grew up normal and not rebellious. She lets us experience life at our own risk and desicions. But she make sure that she teach us what to do and it'll be up to us if we'll take it. Sometimes people wonder why my Mum was too maluwag to us, I don't know either but I love her for that. Maybe because my Mum has a big trust in us that she taught us well and we won't do anything shits on our selves. Sometimes nagpapaalam nalang ako na may out of town trip ako that very same day and she's super cool with that.

I super love my mom! She's the most important person (after God) to me that I would want to serve and take care of for the rest of my life. She doesn't expect anything from us. Kahit piso lang ibigay namin sakaniya, she'll be very happy. And so I wanted to give her everything.. but up until now, wala pa ako masyadong nabibigay sakaniya.haha! Growing up, I felt I was the least favorite among her kids. Kasi ako lagi niyang pinapansin at pinapagalitan - or maybe I'm basicallya bad kid back then, i don't know. But now, I feel that she see's alot of potentials in me. She always say "Ikaw nalang ang pagasa kong yumaman, Krisa."  'Coz my siblings are so focused on their lovelives. Don't worry Mum!! By the grace of God, I will make that happen! We will enjoy life and travel everywhere as long as I am single and kahit mag asawa na ako! You won't mind how to budget the money for the whole month. 

God I don't even know how will I be if my Mum isn't by my side. She's a best example of Isusubo nalang niya, ibibigay niya pa samin. She sacrificed too much for us. And she supports us in everything we do. Am I the only one who loves the sound of a nagging Mum?? I don't knoe why I love it. I can't even remember when was the last time I held grudges because of her nagging. And I'm not ashamed to say na may trabaho na ko, pero nanghihingi parin ako ng pera sakaniya.haha! But in a good way. And mga small amounts lang. I don't know, I love asking small amounts from her then magrereklamo siya sakin. Feeling ko kasi bata parin ako pag nanghihingi ako sakaniya. And I feel that she also loves doing that. So ineenjoy ko din!haha

 And so I pray for her salvation. That she may have accept Jesus as her Lord and Saviour and have a personal relationship with the Lord. It'll be a joyful life to have a parents who you can lean on to spirtually! Sometime I imagine what if I grew up in a christian family. But I still wouldn't change anything if God would give me an option. I sincerely pray to God for an opportunity to share my faith to her. I love you Ma!!!


PS: I wrote this during the Mother's day, I didn't noticed that I did not published it. Whatever, it's we can always celebrate Mum's day everyday!




IN ALL THINGS,
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED!

Hey, I'm so sorry, that I didn't find the words that could make you stay.



IN ALL THINGS, 
GOD SHOULD ALWAYS BE GLORIFIED